Confessions of a Former Teacher
I once served as a teacher during my first year of high school. Frankly, I believe that the work intensity of a teacher is relatively friendly, although the intensity in the second and third years is undoubtedly very high.
At a young teachers' symposium, I said, "I think the school provides adequate support for teachers," and that was the truth.
I have no objection to education; I have no objection to the school; I have no objection to the grade level; I have no objection to the students. My class management was not effective, but I have no objection to the well-intentioned reminders from my leaders. My teaching was not effective, but I have no objection to the well-intentioned advice from senior teachers. On the contrary, I am very grateful!
I am extremely grateful and thankful for the job opportunities and teachings provided by the school and related leaders (especially my dear teacher Wang)! The responsibility for leaving the education industry lies entirely with me. It's a pity that I am indeed not suited to be a teacher.
It puzzles me too – how can a job like a tenured teacher, which is so good, not be to my liking or suitable for me?! What's wrong with me?!
Reasons for Retreat
Inability to Engage in Teaching
During my internship and working experience, I actively participated in teaching and research activities both inside and outside the school. I attended many open classes. I know that a class should ideally include four segments: introduction, lecture, consolidation, and summary with homework. I also know that experiments and modern devices should be used to attract students' attention and deepen their understanding of the knowledge. I know that students should be engaged in problem-solving, experiments, and group discussions to enhance their sense of participation in the classroom.
The fact is, I could, but I cannot commit.
All the teachers of the open classes I've attended are very engaged in their teaching. I've listened to many of my colleague Mr. Xie's classes, and he is particularly engaged.
I taught a class that was discussed by the preparation group and was reportedly praised by the head of the physics department. However, when I teach, I always feel a sense of detachment. I put a lot of effort into preparing for the class on "Superweight and Weightlessness." I tried to incorporate all the elements of an excellent open class into this lesson, and I believe it was the best class I taught that semester. Yet, I still couldn't engage. I understand that I will never be able to teach a class that satisfies myself.
Working with a Mask
Deep down, I don't identify as a people's teacher. Every time I go to work, it's like wearing a mask to attend a masquerade ball.
Unfortunately, I am a responsible young person, and I need to justify the salary I receive. So I pretend to be a teacher who is dedicated to education, pretending to be engaged in teaching my students. I find it very dramatic.
Lack of Interest in Education
There are various professional titles for teachers: senior, associate senior, intermediate, and junior.
There are also professional honors in teaching: provincial "Special Support Plan" teaching master, provincial "Three Names" studio host, municipal "Three Names" studio host, municipal subject (class teacher) leader, municipal teaching (class teacher) expert.
I have no desire for these titles and honors, nor do I think there is anything to be proud of for obtaining them. Realistically speaking, I am only interested in the rewards that come with achieving a title.
However, based on my self-assessment, I doubt whether I can achieve a senior title before retirement.
Dislike for Travel
Some young people my age think that one of the advantages of being a teacher is having the winter and summer holidays, which allows them to travel. Even when I was a class teacher, a student's parent, also a teacher, said that she chose this profession largely because she values the two holidays for travel.
Unfortunately, I don't like traveling.
Feeling Assimilated by Students
During my semester as a teacher, I noticed that I was gradually assimilated by the students, retreating into the ivory tower of the school.
In the first week of work, I wondered why teachers would sincerely admire each other's PowerPoint slides. After a while, I understood this behavior. By the end of the semester, I found myself unconsciously becoming a teacher who only talks about students when communicating with colleagues.
I understood what a leader said before assigning administrative roles to young teachers. He said that it's hard for teachers to make new friends in other professions, and it's also hard to keep in touch with old friends in other professions. Because when teachers talk, the conversation always revolves around school and student matters.
Sense of Stagnation
Since I started working, I have indeed made progress in class management, classroom management, and teaching. However, I don't feel that I have made any personal growth or progress. It's possible that I don't care about the areas in which I have improved.
My English proficiency is rapidly declining; my math skills are rapidly declining; my programming skills are rapidly declining. I find it hard to accept.
Yes, I have FOMO (Fear of Missing Out).
I don't think it's hard to take care of children; I feel trapped, even abandoned. Everyone else is moving forward, but I'm standing still.
Landing Doesn't Solve All Problems
My father wanted me to study medicine and become a doctor after the college entrance exam, but I failed. Unfortunately, I ended up in a normal university reading a non-teacher training major.
My father wanted me to become a teacher after graduating from college, but I failed. Unfortunately, I decided to pursue a master's degree.
My father kept urging me to become a teacher when I was studying for my master's degree. Considering the employment situation in the year I graduated (2024), I listened to his advice, compromised, and thought that all problems would be solved after I "landed" a job.
During my work, I lived in the school dormitory on weekdays and only went home on weekends. But whenever I went home, I would easily get angry over trivial matters. If the food was too hot, I would get angry. If something accidentally fell to the ground, I would get angry. Even if I spoke too softly and my family couldn't hear me and asked me to repeat myself, I would get angry.
And whenever I was in the same space as my father, we would inexplicably start blaming each other. We would use the "if we could go back in time" approach to blame each other:
- "If you had listened to me and studied medicine, you would definitely be a PhD student by now!"
- "If you had listened to me and become a teacher after graduating from college, you wouldn't be thinking so much now!"
- "You had three exam opportunities: the national civil service exam and the provincial civil service exam. If you really had the ability, you would have passed one of them earlier!"
- "If I hadn't listened to you and gone to work for BYD, I wouldn't have these problems now."
- …
I don't behave this way at work; I don't behave this way in front of students; I didn't used to behave this way.
My father's expectation for me to work in a system is reasonable, but I didn't expect that I would dislike being a teacher so much.
After I resigned and completed the procedures, there were no more arguments at home. Although there is still some self-mockery and taunting.
This is especially true for people who want to be engineers, but their parents or somebody wants me to be a manager. You're going to have a tough life, because you're not chasing your dream, you're chasing somebody else's. The odds that you will be excited about somebody else’s dream are low. So if you're not excited, you're not going to put the energy in. or learn. That's a tough loop in the end.——Jim Keller
Retreat Is Harder Than Attack
Success does not come from persistence, but from choosing the right things to persist in, while exiting others.
Nothing in the world is difficult if you are willing to give up.
Regret Minimization Framework
Jeff Bezos’ Regret Minimization Framework is a strategic tool for making decisions by projecting oneself into the future to minimize the regrets of missed opportunities. You ask yourself, “When I am 80 years old, will I regret NOT doing this?”
Is it a pity to give up a tenure-track position? Yes, very much so.
In a world that is changing really quickly, the only strategy that is guaranteed to fail is not taking risks.——Mark Zuckerberg
I now have the opportunity to work with a great leader. When I am 80 years old, I will not regret giving up my tenure to work with this leader. If working with this leader fails, I will not regret it either. But I know I will regret one thing, and that is giving up the opportunity to work with this leader.
Can I Hang On for Awhile?
Unrealistic.
I graduated with a master's degree and entered the workforce at the age of 25. Unfortunately, I am considered a diligent and ambitious young person. What if, after three to five years, I somehow get promoted to a mid-level teacher (with an annual salary of around 25,000)?
Not to mention whether I would still be valuable to the big shots after three to five years. Even if they are still willing to let me work with them, by then I would be thirty years old, and I would have been working in the education sector, which is completely unrelated to the industry of the big shots, with no experience in their field. What reason would they have to offer corresponding treatment and prospects to make me, at thirty years old, give up my tenure and original salary? Even if I am still willing to take a pay cut at that time, my age is a factor. I would be too cost-ineffective for the big shots, so much so that I would no longer be a qualified labor force, nor a competent workhorse.